What animal would you be?

We've had a rather busy few weeks, with plastering, painting, cupboard building, skirting board and picture rail fitting and general chaos. It's taken its toll on all of us, and something had to give, so for me it was my internet addiction. Perhaps not such a bad thing, as it's meant I've spent more time with my husband and less time staring at the computer screen!

My big "news" is that I am now unemployed - I had been on long term sick leave and childcare problems (plus my fragile state of mind) have made it impossible for me to go back to work, at least in the short term. This means I now have the joyful task of filling in my application for Carers Allowance, which once again brings home to me how much I do for James.

It's the second week of the school holidays and I'm frazzled - I usually complain that the nursery session isn't enough time for me to get anything done/spend time with Bea/have a cup of tea, but it's now that it's not there that I really miss it. Luckily James has had a few sessions at the special needs playscheme, so we weren't in the house while the carpenter was around this week. Last week I had a couple of days to spend with Bea and whilst I loved every minute of our 4 hours together it drove home the reality of how hard I find spending time with both children together. Whenever I take James somewhere new I find I'm constantly on edge as I'm not familiar with the layout, particularly the danger zones. He has absolutely no sense of danger and is like a 14 month old trapped in the body of a 5 year old. He still runs in front of swings (and has been knocked down several times) and is drawn to water and the exit gates. I have a vivid memory of having to hold a rather bemused Bea like a rugby ball (she was around 5 months old at the time) while I dashed to the gates of a local park where some "helpful" man had let James wander through (he'd actually held the gate open for him and let him pass - I was livid). This was pre-diagnosis but it's no better now. Because James couldn't let anyone know he was lost or give his name or any other details I can't let him out of my sight. I did buy some IdentiKids wristbands for him ages ago but he didn't like them on his wrist and chewed through them (and with all the chewing the ink ran so even if they'd stayed on the number wasn't legible!!!). Maybe I'll try them on his ankle next time.... So the thought of taking both children out on my own brings me out in a cold sweat - now that Bea is more active and testing the boundaries I find it impossible to keep both of them safe and occupied. Even at home I can't seem to get it right - if I sit down to do a planned activity with him she wants to join in (and can usually do it more easily than he can - it's both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time to see your 4 and a half year old being shown how to roll out play dough by his 22 month old sister....). As soon as Bea comes near him he loses interest and runs away or throws everything off the table or refuses to participate. If I am sitting down to try and do something with Bea, then he'll usually suss out that I'm preoccupied and find something inappropriate to get up to like chewing through loaves of bread still in their packet or pouring water all over the kitchen floor. A friend asked me how I spend my afternoons and we decided that the best way to describe it would be "damage limitation". I wish I had an extra pair of hands so I could keep them both entertained and safe. Which is why I think I'd be an octopus - I'd have enough arms to look after everyone AND I could give myself a pat on the back at the same time!