Mummy, I want....

How long have I waited to hear those words? So much about typical human developement can be understood with just that little sentence - the child has recognised the need to address the adult ("mummy") in order to share their desire, they have a sense of self as distinct from their carer ("I") and they understand that the carer doesn't know what they are thinking/feeling/wanting. Without the ability to share your needs and desires, caring for the child can become a guessing game, sometimes hitting the jackpot and other times ending up with a rather frustrating series of incorrect guesses that are rejected. James occasionally shouts out random words (in particular "want water") but we're never sure if he really means it (at the start of his regression, when Bea was a newborn his favourite phrase was "want a wee wee, want a poo poo" which was incredibly frustrating - countless times a day we'd find the potty, undress him, sit him on, find he wouldn't perform, redress him then he'd dirty his nappy 10 minutes later. I found it difficult to deal with to say the least....). We try to filter out what we do and don't respond to, which is especially hard when he finds communication so difficult. It is so tempting to respond to every attempt to communicate, but there are times when I just can't do what he's requesting, or don't actually understand what he wants/needs. As is typical of autistic people, James rarely directs his communication to anyone - it is more obvious now we are in this house rather than our old flat as he will be in the kitchen saying "water" when I am in the playroom.

So it's a bit of a kick in the teeth that the first time I heard "Mummy, I want...." it came out of the mouth of Bea, a day or so after her second birthday. I imagine this is the start of a slippery slope - gone are the days I can meander round the supermarket without the clammer of "Mummy, I want...."! So occasionally there are some benefits to James' difficulties - he has never pestered me for anything!