Friendships

Today when I picked James up from the childminder, he was playing with her new colleague. He had met her before, but was clearly drawn to her, hugging her, giggling uncontrollably and grinning from ear to ear. Watching the two of them together was a very precious moment - a lot of people find it hard to engage with James, and difficult to get anything back from him, so to watch her naturally follow his lead and get so much back was incredibly uplifting. It was as if he had found a new friend.

Friendships and autism don't really mix - the children with high functioning autism and Aspergers often desperately want friends but are let down by their social skills and their inability to "read" other people. This can lead to a lot of stress and even depression during their adolescent years - imagine the loneliness and isolation, knowing you're different, but unable to conform and "fit in" at a time when being part of the crowd is so important. And then there's the children like James, who have no idea what a friendship is, so aren't even aware of what they're missing out on. James is so engaged in his own (autistic) world that he doesn't notice people coming and going, and is very isolated in his "play" (if you can call it that) so anyone who tries to be friendly is ignored. Like a lot of autistic children, he prefers the company of adults and older children - I guess because they're more likely to help him get his needs met. I do get upset from time to time, but then I console myself with the thought that he won't get hung up on all the intricacies and challenges that adolescent friendships bring. No falling out with friends, no trying hard to support them through difficult times, no feeling left out when they meet new people, no worries about fitting in. Perhaps these are more "female" views of friendship, but I'm sure boys go through a lot of this too. I have a feeling that Bea is going to give me a double dose of teenage angst though, so perhaps I should be thanking my lucky stars!

My friendships are a source of support, laughter, hugs, booze and hope. Over the last two years I have met so many inspiring, special people who have helped me in all sorts of ways. I don't know where I'd be now if it weren't for them. I really need my friends, and hope that to some extent they need me, even if it is only for more yarn related advice! It's funny, when I think back to the days surrounding the time of James' diagnosis when all I could see was closed doors and doom and gloom I can't help seeing a new perspective now. It's as if he's opened doors for me, brought these wonderful people into my life and made it all happen.

Here's to autism and friendships - maybe they don't go hand in hand directly, but in a roundabout way, through joint experience and understanding, they are strongly interlinked.

Laughter is the best medicine

I can tell that winter is well and truly behind us, you can't fail to have noticed the crocuses, the daffodils and the sunshine! I have even tried hanging my washing out to dry a couple of times - I love the smell of freshly dried laundry. With the dawning of spring, I feel my general state of mind lifting and lightening. I have a wave of positive thinking and feeling, with the impetus to finally drive change. I am able to take charge of all the areas of my life that need work, and actually do something about them. I honestly think I am made for hibernation - the idea of curling up somewhere warm and dark for a few months and waking up to find spring in the air holds a lot of appeal. I wouldn't miss a thing about winter - it has the two lowest points in the year for me, James' birthday and Christmas. The aimless trawling through shops and catalogues and online "bargains" in a futile attempt to find something that might interest him only deepens my depression. The sadness is palpable as we hand him a present that he doesn't even acknowledge. OK, the only thing I would miss about winter is mulled wine, but it doesn't have to be winter for that!

With my new drive and vigour comes a return of laughter into my life. I find so little to fuel my sense of humour through the winter period, but now I'm full of hope and laughter. The best source of laughter for me is usually my children - James has episodes of manic laughter which we often can't fathom, but they're so intense it's impossible NOT to join in. Bea is going through a very amusing phase and comes out with all sorts of funnies, telling my husband "you got boobies daddy" (I think she meant nipples - his physique is a LONG way away from developing man boobs!), pointing out people falling asleep in the coffee shop, telling me I can stop cleaning and go to the ball with Prince Charming (and of course, I did as she said, I'm never one to cry off a ball, and housework is a definite second to a hot date!). But topping the charts for laughter provision this week is my good friend's blog - Slightly South of Sanity. I beg you to read it. I challenge you to read it and not cry tears of laughter - I read passages out to my husband and we're both in stitches. She has such a way with words, and I know for a fact that none of this is made up! So if you're in need of a pick-me-up, don't turn to the gin, pour yourself a double dose of laughter!