Thanking my lucky stars

There's no denying things are hard at the moment - with all the renovations James has found things very difficult and his behaviour is more and more challenging. He finds change difficult to deal with, but unlike most people with autism, it's the changes in his environment rather than changes in his routine that upset him most. He's starting to calm down again but he is still rather agitated and anxious.

As if I didn't have enough to deal with, I managed to get him booked in for a haircut last week. Haircuts can be very challenging for people with autism - there are so many sensory stimuli going on (hairdryers, combing hair, close touch, snipping sounds, the smell of the shampoo) that they can go into overdrive. The last time James had his hair cut was in December and it took two of us to hold him down. So I've been dreading taking him again. He seems to have developed a lot of sensitivities to things like toothbrushing, hairbrushing and nail clipping - I can't remember the last time he let me cut his toenails and I managed two finger nails over the course of the weekend. He isn't usually aggressive, but he screams, squirms, fights and pushes us as soon as he sees the clippers now. He used to be so compliant that I used to thank my lucky stars that he was so easy going. How wrong I was. But back to the haircut. We did lots of preparation and it seemed to pay off - he was a star for Ronan and I felt my heart swelling with pride as he sat there, quiet as a mouse, eating chocolate biscuits, hair falling in his lap, looking to all intents and purposes totally "normal" (I do hate political correctness at times....). I love his hair long and flowing, but hadn't actually realised how long I'd let it get - put it this way, I can actually see his eyes again and he's not hidden behind a mop of fringe. In fact, both of us have noticed an increase in his eye contact and communication since Friday, so we'll be making sure we have regular cuts from now on.

Most of James' "challenging" behaviours are a result of his sensory needs - he runs in straight lines and circles to stimulate his vestibular system, he chews his sleeves to calm him and stimulate him, he licks things because they excite his olfactory system. But some behaviours are a direct result of his autism - he has an obsession with doors and likes them to be closed, so he will spend a lot of time in the kitchen opening and shutting the cupboards - I often open a cupboard, turn away then turn back to get something out to find it shut again! You have to be fast in our house. A less harmless habit is his fascination with the hob - almost every time I turn it on, he tries to put his hand in the flame. Because he doesn't learn from experience I have to make sure he can't reach. I still have a vivid picture of the horror in my face the first time he touched the flame - we were at a friend's house and I stood there paralysed with horror. Until recently I could get away with only using the back burners, but he is so tall that he is soon going to be able to reach. I never thought I'd be continuing to babyproof my house now he's four. Another frustrating behaviour is his dislike of things hanging over things - he can't bear coats of jumpers over the back of chairs or over the bannister. At least it helps ensure I'm a bit tidier I suppose....

These behaviours, whilst frustrating, are the nearest to communication James gets (although he did say "tired" today whilst in the bath - he looked it too!). When he throws things off the chair, I guess he's trying to tell me he needs order and less clutter in his life. If only he understood the same goes for me - I feel like I spend all the time I could spend decluttering tidying up the mess he's made with the clutter! Every day, I thank my lucky stars that his behaviour isn't even more challenging - whilst I long for him to hug me and let me hug him, I don't think I could deal with him being physically aggressive on a regular basis.

On a totally different note, I am sitting here thanking my lucky stars that there are still some decent honest people around - I get so jaded with the world at times I find it difficult to believe. Bea and I squeezed in a quick coffee this morning (we have been spending a lot of time in DIY shops trying to choose paint colours - not an easy task for someone as indecisive as me, I can barely choose what clothes to wear let alone what colour may calm and relax me in my bedroom). As usual, she got her hands on my handbag and took some bits and bobs out - I thought I'd retrieved it all, but I ended up leaving my purse on the floor. I was giving myself a pat on the back for being early to pick James up from nursery when I realised it was missing - so not only did I end up being late, but I was flustered and tearful when I arrived. I was catastrophising as usual, and was imagining myself trekking to the shops and then the police station with both children in tow - not a mean feat, I can tell you. Luckily I only needed to vist the coffee shop and they had kept it safe for me. So my belief in humanity is reinstated and I will continue to thank my lucky stars.