General ignorance

Sadly, this is not a reference to the (excellent) round in QI where Stephen Fry throws random questions out at his contestants (incidentally, his blog is here, and he has a whole dedicated website here, I had no idea you could spend so much time mulling over the lovely Mr Fry...If you don't see me for a while, you know where I am!). No, I'm afraid this post refers to the good old general public and their attitudes to disability in general, and James in particular.

Two incidents today had my blood boiling, and sadly these aren't isolated incidents. They chill me to my core, as I am seeing the world that we truly live in at its ugliest. The attitudes towards disability, the speed with which people pass judgement and make comments, the arrogance that is so blatantly displayed - this is the legacy that I am passing on to my son. This is what I have to hope he is able to overcome in order to fulfil his potential, achieve meaning in his future, and live a happy, safe life. It fills me with great sadness, as he has enough hurdles to jump and here society will add its own.

Parking spaces - a much discussed and moaned over topic in my parenting forums. The advent of "Parent and Toddler" spaces has brought with it an alarming picture of the true nature of public spirit. I don't think there is a single mother who hasn't either had to struggle with a buggy/car seat/unwieldy toddler in a "normal" car parking spot because there are no parent and toddler spaces left. The distress this causes is bad enough, but then salt is rubbed in the wound when you see the single man (or woman) jumping back in the badly parked car in the designated space. Not a toddler in sight. Not even an older child. If you dare to take them up on this, you are more often than not met with a barrage of expletives - I have been told that "I can park where I (insert expletive) like" and that "it's not my problem". I've also been told that I got my own parent and toddler space so "it's none of your business". Of course, the stores don't make it any easier for parents as the parking restrictions are rarely (in fact, I'd go as far as to say never) enforced. So they get away with it, again and again.

Disabled parking bays are another issue altogether. We are fortunate that Bea is still young so we will often use a parent bay when out and about. But James is getting older and I don't want to use the parent bays all the time. As we are in receipt of the highest mobility component of DLA, we are entitled to a blue badge. Our excuse for not having sorted this out is that we need photo booth style pictures of James, and we'd have to catch him first! I have never actually used a disabled bay, but am sure that once we have the badge it will be very useful. So I am mindful of the issues that badge holders have - if it frustrates parents to be unable to park in designated bays, imagine what it is like for blue badge users (here I am referring to the legitimate holders - it's quite frightening to hear the statistics for the black market value of blue badges and how many fraudulent badges are flying around out there). On a Sunday I take James swimming at the local pool. The car park is usually full, but there are about 5 disabled bays. I have occasionally been tempted to use them, but refrained as we don't have a badge at the moment. I ended up parking quite a way from the pool, which was inconvenient but no huge problem. However, on my way back to the car, I had a double take when I saw the following. A large 4 by 4 was parked over two disabled bays. In the front sat a man reading his Sunday paper and playing the radio. Not a blue badge in sight. I couldn't let it pass and made a comment about how if you are going to be selfish and park in a disabled bay at least to show some consideration and not park over TWO bays. I'm sorry to say that he didn't even acknowledge my comment, let alone move his car.

Not 10 minutes later, I was to experience further frustration at people's selfish, ignorant behaviour. I continue to take James out to a variety of social settings, to help him learn life skills. If I don't teach him these things, who will? Who is going to show him how to hold a basket, fill it with staple food and take it to the checkout? Who will teach him to empty the basket onto the conveyor belt and hand over the money to the checkout assistant? Unlike Bea, he doesn't naturally learn from observation, he needs every step taught to him, over and over again. Recently, he has started to hold a basket, which hasn't come naturally to him. He holds it awkwardly, allowing items to spill out if not reminded to hold it upright. He walks with a stumbling gait, trying to maintain his balance with the basket. One thing I noticed early on in James' development was that he would walk right over our feet without noticing they're in the way. He has continued to bang in to things, to walk into people, not looking where he's going and unaware of obstacles (he has even walked into lamp posts and letter boxes). In the supermarket today, teetering up the aisles, he must have looked quite strange, wearing his rucksack with reins and screeching to himself to help keep calm. I tend to be on my guard, making sure he doesn't bang in to other people and keep him out of the way of obstacles. Occasionally, I take my eye off him momentarily, whilst I pick something from the shelf or look around for where the sugar is hiding. As we walked along, James lolloping forward, me hawk eyed and careful, I was rather shocked to hear a comment, clearly aimed at us. "(precede with expletive), a "sorry" would be nice". If there's one thing I can't bear, it's people who make comments behind my back, quick to pass judgement and not taking the fuller picture into account. I couldn't hold back and let her know that James is severely disabled and was doing very well, and that she should be the one apologising. And followed up with a request that next time she makes her comments to my face rather than behind my behind my back. I doubt she'll change, usually the ignorant don't want to be educated.